I am come (cue Charlton Heston voice) to bring you out of Darkness and lead you into the Light. I am here not just to instill Wisdom into the Unbelievers out there, but to ram it so far down their throats that their next bowel movement resembles a Zen garden.
And yes, I said "revered." The native tribe of a small South Pacific island called "Fred" considers me a god, a righteous, fiery deity with blazing eyes and steaming loins, and they have erected towering monuments in my honor, and named their children after me. Bless them.
And so it is time. Time once again to spread my Buttery Self upon the Slice of Toast that is The World.
Gentle Readers, I salute you from The Lair, sans pants and with coffee in hand. Join me as we examine Life through rose-colored 3D glasses...then bash it into submission with the Rubber Chicken of Truth.
You can trust me.
I'm Doctor Ace T. Jericho. Rogue Journalist.